


Half a Heart

by heckarikki



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Drama, Fluff, Gay, LGBT, M/M, One Shot, Song - Freeform, carry on, lyrics, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 21:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12155340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heckarikki/pseuds/heckarikki
Summary: Based off of the song Half a Heart by One Direction





	Half a Heart

**Half a Heart (One Direction)**

 

_ So your friends been telling me _

_ You been sleeping with my sweater _

_ And that you can't stop missing me _

_ Bet my friends been telling you _

_ I'm not doing much better _

_ Cause I'm missing half of me _

 

_ And being here without you _

_ Is like I'm waking up to _

_ Only half a blue sky _

_ Kind of there but not quite _

_ I'm walking round with just one shoe _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

_ I'm half a man at best _

_ With half an arrow in my chest _

_ I miss everything we do _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

 

_ Forget all we said that night _

_ No it doesn't even matter _

_ Cause we both got split in two _

_ If you could spare an hour or so _

_ We'll go for lunch down by the river _

_ We can really talk it through _

_ And being here without you _

_ Is like I'm waking up to _

_ Only half a blue sky _

_ Kind of there but not quite _

_ I'm walking round with just one shoe _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

_ I'm half a man at best _

_ With half an arrow in my chest _

_ Cause I miss everything we do _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

 

_ Half a heart without you _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

_ Though I try to get you out of my head _

_ The truth is I got lost without you _

_ And since then I've been waking up to _

 

_ Only half a blue sky (Only half a blue sky) _

_ Kind of there but not quite _

_ I'm walking round with just one shoe _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

_ I'm half a man at best (Half a man at best) _

_ With half an arrow in my chest _

_ Cause I miss everything we do _

_ I'm half a heart without you _

 

_ Without you [x2] _

_ Half a heart without you _

_ Without you [x2] _

_ Half a heart without you _

 

“Get over yourself,” Niall said.

“Gee, thanks,” I answered, sniffling.“You guys are really comforting. Thanks for coming, now get the fuck out.”

“Seriously,” Dev answered. “Get over yourself.”

“You guys wouldn’t understand,” I said, half mumbling and half whining. Even I hated myself at that moment, but who cares? Nobody’s opinion mattered but  _ his _ , and he wasn’t here. He never would be again. I looked up to glare at my friends. “All you two care about is fucking people.”

“Like there’s anything wrong with that,” Dev said, and Niall gave a low whistle in agreement.

“Get. Out.”

“C’mon, we’re serious,” Dev continued, swiveling casually in my desk chair. “You just need to get laid.”

“I don’t think that would be helpful right now,” I said, trying my best to sound intimidating. 

“Fine, you’re right,” Niall said. “That’s why we came here anyway. If you want to be with Simon, just be with him. He misses you as much as you miss him.”

“After all those things I said to him? Yeah, right.”

“C’mon, we mean it,” Dev said again. “He knows that you were temporarily insane. It’s called a mistake. I mean, a really, really, bad mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.”

“You guys are making me feel worse,” I groaned. I felt tears welling up again but I forced them back. I could cry in front of my sisters, maybe even my stepmom. But not in front of my friends. 

“No, no, no, you don’t understand!” Dev said, rolling his eyes. “I’m telling you, you need to work on your listening skills.”

“Penny told us something about Simon you might want to hear,” Niall said, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Yeah,” Dev jumped in. “She said that Simon is still sleeping with your sweater.”

There was a long moment of silence while I processed the information. After that moment, I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

“He- he- he misses me?” I said, hiccuping.

“Yeah, that would be an understatement. He’s more of a mess than you are.”

“But he seems fine at school,” I said between big sobs.

“Yeah, well he isn’t,” Niall insisted. “Penny says he’s torn to pieces. He can’t believe you guys broke up over something so stupid.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” I said, fresh tears filling my eyes. “I was a real dick to him.”

“Yes, you were,” Dev said, laughing at me. I wanted to punch him in the face. I almost did.

“But he knows what happened now,” Niall intervened, sensing my hostility. “We told Penny the situation, and she told him, and he feels horrible. It’s stupid, because you both think it’s hopeless, even though you’re still in gross, mushy, sappy love with each other. Just talk to him!”

“I can’t face him,” I said. “Not after everything.”

I turned my back on them, and the conversation was over.

 

***

“Baz!”

I knew the voice. I couldn’t turn around, I couldn’t face him. But… he was calling my name. He sounded desperate. 

I spun around.

He was farther than I thought but how loud he’d sounded. He was running toward me so fast I was scared he’d crash right into me, but a few moments later, he stopped short in front of me. “Baz,” he said.

“Simon,” I answered.

He looked bad.  _ Really _ bad. For the past few weeks, he’d looked perfect everyday. I thought the breakup hadn’t affected him at all, because he just looked so happy and well put together. But here he was, looking worse than me. He had bags under his eyes, stains on his clothes, and his hair looked unbrushed.

“Can we please talk? Like, really talk? I know more about what happened, I should’ve listened to you, I wish-”

I cut him off. “Yeah, we can talk,” I said softly. 

He sighed, looking relieved. “Okay,” he answered. “Not here. This school is too nightmarish. Can we have, like, a picnic or something?”

I laughed despite myself, making him grin in return. It was so like Simon to suggest a picnic for such a serious occasion. I felt an ache in my chest at the familiarity of it. “Sure. Do you want to meet down by the river at lunch break?”

“Yes,” he said, nodding quickly. “That sounds perfect.”

 

***

“So, how’ve things been?” Simon asked awkwardly.

I sighed. “I really don’t wanna do small talk, Si,” I said. 

“Oh… okay.”

“I just- I don’t know. I wanna come right out and say it. You deserve that. I’m sorry, you know? I am. I shouldn’t have accused you of cheating me, especially not with Agatha. That was such a weird time in our lives and I made it all complicated by getting mad about it. I should’ve trusted you. I mean, c’mon, you’re Simon Snow. You wouldn’t hurt a fly, let alone break someone’s heart. You’re nothing like me, you’re so much better. And I take back everything that I said. Of course you’re allowed to be friends with her, you can be friends with whoever you want and-”

“It’s okay,” Simon said, interrupting me. “I accept your apologies, all of them. You weren’t the only one who was at fault. I shouldn’t have overreacted. I mean, I was being really suspicious trying to hide the messages from you. Penny told me how you weren’t snooping on purpose, you were just messing around by prank texting her from my phone, and I totally believe you that you wouldn't try to invade my privacy like that because I know how important privacy is to yu. And I can’t believe I broke up with you over something like that. It was the spur of the moment. I miss you. I feel like I’ve been living half a life since I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me,” I said bluntly. “I’m right here if that’s what you want.”

He made a whimpering sound that should’ve been pathetic; instead, it made me want to jump him right then and there. “Yes, that’s what I want,” he said, lowering his voice to nearly a whisper.

“Okay, good,” I whispered back. “Just one condition.”

“Anything.”

“Let’s  _ not _ take it slow,” I said, leaning in.


End file.
